The Hour

Spring’s a marvellous thing. It’s all about the kids getting out to play, wee birds making nests and stuff growing again.

The Easter holidays are usually there abouts for two weeks of, possibly, sunshine and, certainly, scoffing of chocolate. Then before you know it, it’s back to school for sports days, outings and, for parents, a few more productive weeks before the Big Holidays.

Only this year it’s different. For us, we’re already in the middle of the holidays. The first week is traditionally to look at the rain and whinge about being bored and the second week is to moan about going back to school, yet secretly pine for your pals, after school clubs and the summer activities. We are now teetering in the middle at the two perfect days when the holidays are fun, the sky is clear and everyone’s still talking.

Fantastic, Back To School Tuesday is already in sight. But no sooner are the schoolbags hauled out from behind the sofa where they were flung on the last day of term, they’ll be parked again. My children are only back for three days before it’s Good Friday. What’s good about that apart from chocolate eggs?

Traditional Easter family get-togethers may well be strained by the fact that a month’s supply of patience and hospitality was consumed in the first fortnight off.

Never mind, Back To School Tuesday The Second is just around the corner. Let’s find those uniforms, make a frantic dash to the shops to replace out-grown shoes and get ready to return... again.

Three days of blissful routine, hi ho hi ho. Until... it’s the Royal Wedding. Now, I remember a hot day in 1981 when my teenage self sulked and skulked while everyone oohed and ahed at Diana’s crumpled frock and stumbled vows. In those days Windsor nuptials were a big deal, celebrated with appropriate flag waving and arranged in the school holidays.

Too many unhappy endings for HRH marriages and some 21st century cynicism means that we care less now about Kate and Wills’ big day, particularly as it leaves those of us who are already way behind at work with another day to find child care for.

 So, April – the month of only six days at school – closes and perhaps May will bring some more routine and productive education. What do you think?

No. It’s Back To School Tuesday The Third following the local May Day holiday on May 2. And, this time it’s hardly worth bothering, they’re back for two days before the school becomes a Polling Station for the Holyrood Election on May 5.

Now, I know it’s nobody’s fault that the council decided to throw the Easter holidays at the calendar and miss. No one is to blame for the young Royal lovers wanting to dash up the very long aisle with inconvenient haste. And it isn’t really a bad thing that our leaders have decided to award us with another day’s holiday to, ahem, celebrate.

And schools have to be Polling Stations, don’t they? They couldn’t use however much money it costs – cos I’ll bet it does cost heaps  – to hire somewhere commercial like a hotel function suite or indoor tennis court, could they? Now that idea – which would see some of the money going round and help the kids remember what their teachers look like - is just too sensible.

But spare a though for parents. It’s not that we don’t love our kids, we do? And we love spending time with them, doing wholesome, bonding things. Yes we do. However, two weeks is enough. We can’t afford any more than that. After the holidays we have no money for outings, no patience for bickering and no more excuses for our hard-pressed bosses.

ELLEN SAID

• Why don’t star’s kids behave badly too?
• Give thanks and hug your children
• Brian Cox and the boffin babies