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Bruce's Feelgood blog: the boot camp

11 March 2009, 11:26

Hello Mammals,

I’m not going to lie. I was going to give all my good work up last Thursday. I haven’t, I can ASSURE you, but I just had enough. I’d make the mistake of trying someone’s scales in their house and thought I’d put on a stone. Oh, I screamed out with disgust and contemplated eating a bar of soap as a protest. What good that would have done I’ve no idea. However, I left and was on a mission to go and eat the biggest load of crap, pizzas, sweets, just anything! On leaving and going home to binge, I stopped and thought: “What would be the point of that, you Moomin? Get home and have some fruit.” So I did and I was fine. I realised I didn’t actually want any of that crap, but that was my natural reaction and I’m glad it’s not second nature to me any more.

I’m not a Muscle Mary yet, but I am tightening up and, other than my shelf around my hip area, my filthy old carcass is beginning to take shape slowly but surely. This is now the sixth week and I do believe that this change of lifestyle is doing me good and showing results.

Although, a close family member did tell me that “a friend of mine saw you on TV and still thinks you are fat. Should you really be on TV if you are still fat? You still look hippy to me, Bruce, and I don’t think yogurt’s going to solve things. So think on, you could be charged with lying.” I suppose mothers only want you to do your best…. However, I could do without!!

Do watch the five thirty show this Friday where you’ll see me being put through my paces at a military boot camp work out. Good lord, in my “leisure suit” I look like a clinically obese version of Jennifer Saunders as Clarisse Starling in their take off of “Ssscience of the Lambshh” (honestly that’s the way she spoke). We filmed it yesterday (Tuesday) and I’m rigid with muscular agony today. However, parts of my fitness have improved and it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Only once did I want to kill her. Her name was Stella and she was very nice. Hey, I plan to use her services again.

The 50th I told you about last week didn’t quite go to plan as a few people were given their character. Why are some people just so bleeping dull? One in particular thought they’d bring up the weight issue. She said: “Well, you look no different me, so it’s not going well then?” I just laughed and said: “Well you still look ugly to me and I take being married for money is still going well, judging by that garish yet expensive… well we’ll just call that an outfit shall we?” Funnily enough our paths didn’t cross for the rest of the night. The point of telling you that is that folk are really quick to pull you up, judge or criticise you when they are aware that you are making an effort to change. Most people know how hard and to a degree relentless this whole process can be. So they can just flop off as far as I’m concerned. That poor woman picked the wrong cat to mess with.

I’m nearly down to…
You’ll find out on Friday!!!!!

Have a low cal day,
Bruce.

Last updated: 31 March 2009, 15:39