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Bruce's Feelgood blog: first day at the gym looking like a fat mongoose

11 February 2009, 12:21

Hello mammals,

It’s been down to the serious business of exercising this week. My induction with my trainer has been filmed (shown this Friday on stv’s the five thirty show) and I look like a fat mongoose, let me tell you.

(You can watch Bruce's blogs on video as well)

I have to say that lovely trainer Helen Marie couldn’t have been nicer and more understanding of the fact that that I’m fairly unfit. I couldn’t have taken one of those “Feel the burn” type people. Although my only thing was that when I’d mentioned that the weights were bearable she did add a wee bit more. They say “honesty’s the best policy”… however she explained that there would be no benefit to doing something that was too easy. I actually agree wholeheartedly that if you are going to do it, do it right.

I was a bit worried going in to the gym at first, but was pleased to report that I wasn’t the fattest, although probably the most un-toned. I felt like a big fat Horace in the changing rooms as some of the “Muscle Mary’s” floated around and had to wait while a nude man dried himself with a hair dryer (?)… Now anyone who’s seen me knows I have a thatched toilet brush for a hair-do and to wash-and-go isn’t an option for me, so I was a wee bit annoyed at having to wait so long.

Helen Marie has organised my programme for me. Three visits a week to start. One day cardio workout, one day free weights and machines and a class such as body combat (apparently martial art type moves to the music of the hit parade) or spinning, you know, biking. All seems doable just now, although I’m very sore.

If it’s the case that the gym isn’t for you, for whatever reason, either get Claire from Steps’ DVD or Mel B’s (I really only liked in her in Bo Selecta). These are apparently the most effective at home and don’t require fancy equipment. I’ll be honest and say I don’t like exercise, but realise that cutting back on food is one thing and the two go hand in hand. It’s boring, but true and seems to be working, as I lost 5lbs last Thursday to Thursday and hope to loose at least 2lbs again this week.

I know I’ve got a lot of help and motivational support, but I’ve honestly not done this with gimmicks or a fancy diet. I’ve just stopped cheese, pizza and other rubbish, although yesterday I nearly pounced on someone in the street for their bag of chips. Oh the lovely vinegar smell! My sister did take me for lunch last Saturday and I had fish. I think that’s the key to eating out. Go for the fish. I did have a glass of white wine, Don’t you dare judge me, I was on GMTV last Wednesday so it was a celebration.

So my advice is to have a treat, but don’t binge, although getting my head round that is hard. Restrain is so hard!

Finally, saw a story in one of those cheap ladies weekly’s where some woman claimed to have lost eight stone just by eating yogurt. I really don’t think that’s they way to go, do you? You could overdose on calcium, you silly woman. See what I mean? Faddy filth.

Have a low cal day,
Bruce

Last updated: 31 March 2009, 15:38